All a bit dull, wasnt it? Too few awards categories, too many so-what (and some downright terrible) performances. Too many bit-part players and also-rans giving it what-for and underwear. I could have got an early night.
The Grammys pride themselves on being the Oscars of the music industry. Boy, there was a time. We used to party for three days afterwards, on the back of it, but lets not go showing our age. They bleat about getting with the programme and being edgily au courant, blah-di-blah-di, but a lot of this was over the edge and just plain past it. Anyway, here they are, the moments that stuck in the craw. Lets have it with some ginger ale:
TAYLOR SWIFT: Oh please. Im so bored. I adored her in the Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana Country flick that Ive already forgotten the name of, when she came on all apple-pie in her gauzy petticoats and battered cowboy boots, and strumming a frayed guitar. Im not sold on her pop excursion, to be frank. Feels like shes sold out. Besides, it got old already. How odd that the Grammys should decide to open such an important show with something less than groundbreaking; didnt we first hear that song a year and a half ago or more? What else did she manage to bring to it, other than yet another old-fashioned haircut and a glimpse (perhaps I imagined it) of knicker? Joanna Lumley wore it better (the pants and the hair) as Purdey. Then Swifty had to go and bitch at Kanye (Kanye not) for having a pop at her in one of his ditties. Yawn. Pot, kettle. Give it a rest, pop-pickers. Just climb up there and enjoy your moment in the limelight. It is the gracious thing to do. Ill have a Dubonnet.
ADELE: she took Album and Record of the Year in 2012. So this should have been a triumph, right? What the Trump went wrong with her audio? Live television, for sure, but come, on, most experienced and most highly-paid TV production luvvies in the world. Not since the sound went down on McCartney and the Who at Live Aid (yes, I was there, and Mother Mary, wasnt it painful, bark if you disagree) have we witnessed such embarrassment, for which there is absolutely no excuse. Hasnt technology come a long way. Hasnt it? It wasnt exactly apparent at this. Not only that, but the lighting guys really didnt like our gal, did they. That yellow spot made her look as though shes been egged, and bleached out her features to the point of death-mask. Adeles a low-key lady. She doesnt chuck it about or ask for much. She went to the BRIT School, shell do the washing-up. Stick her in a twinkly black frock that shes worn before (we saw this one on the X-Factor), give her a quick comb-through, a slick of lippy, a mic on a stand and a PA that works, and she can floor the world. Shouldnt be too much to ask, should it. It is, after all, a music awards ceremony.
LADY GAGA: Oops, she did it again. Stefani may not be the best singer on planet Earth, but she steals it every time. Cheek and chutzpah are her watch-words, and she thrashes this kind of occasion in throat-curdling style. She wasnt going to stop at the Superbowl national anthem, oh dear no. This time, the dame went for a full-on and nigh-on pornographic tribute to The Dame, and she didnt hold back. It was almost as if Bowie himself were there, directing her from the wings. I bet he was.
RIHANNA: poor sweetheart. Sore voice. She had to pull out right before red light, so her show didnt go on. It really should have. Kiss It Better might have blasted a bit of oxygen into this tired and emotional evening. Thanks, half a Bulmers.
HAMILTON: This thrilling, dynamic Broadway show has taken the musical theatre world by storm tried getting a ticket yet? We have; five hundred green ones and a queue into next year, good luck with that and for once, the Grammy producers got the point. They couldnt have chosen better, and they did this sensational production proud. Creator Lin-Manuel Mirandas acceptance speech for Best Musical Theatre Album got them going. Were on a roll, now. Got any Warninks Advocaat?
KENDRICK LAMAR: Oh what a picture, what a photograph! You cant take this away from him, and no one should try. He rose, nay, soared, above the mediocrity of the presentation to steal the night, his star fixed resolutely in the firmament. Inspired production values and truly artistic interpretation. Way to go, that man. Hold that flicker. The most ambitious man in music? Oh go on, then. A tonic water.
Adele features in our “Pop Profiles” show that airs on ShowBiz TV at 12 noon this Thursday 18th February and Rihanna features in our “Pop Profiles” show airing on Monday 22nd February at 12 noon. ShowBiz TV can be found on Sky Channel 266.
The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this.