THE BRIT AWARDS 2016: THE WINNERS

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THE BRIT AWARDS 2016: THE WINNERS

Adele-ShowBizTV

MasterCard British Album of the Year
Adele, 25

British Artist Video of the Year
One Direction, Drag Me Down

International Female Solo Artist
Bjork

British Breakthrough Act
Catfish & the Bottlemen

International Male Solo Artist
Justin Bieber

British Group
Coldplay

British Single
Adele, Hello

British Female Solo Artist
Adele

British Male Solo Artist
James Bay

International Group
Tame Impala

Critics’ Choice
Jack Garratt

British Producer of the Year
Charlie Andrew

Global Success Award
Adele

BRIT Icon

David Bowie

David Bowie BRIT Icon BRITS2016

Adele’s voluminous frocks. Annie Lennox’s louche androgyny. A lot of raunch, and a lot more paunch. The lame, gauche gags of Ant and Dec, who continue to believe their own publicity and think themselves the Morecambe and Wise of the 21st Century. You wish, chaps: can you imagine our Eric in a gobby ballgown? Not even remotely cool. If the organisers want the world to take the BRIT awards seriously, they need to drop the quirk, stop presenting us as kiss-me-quick, fish-and-chip, saucy-seaside-postcard eccentrics, and simply deliver the extravaganza with pared-down style.

Worse, Coldplay: the ultimate Emperor’s New Clothes of bands. So they’re boasting a shiny cache of awards, now, but guys: don’t go getting above yourselves. You’re never going to match the record of Robbie Williams.

No repeat Madonna train-wreck, then, alas; how I enjoyed her downfall last year.Wash my mouth out. Still, there was fall-out to compensate, in the shape of Adele’s significant bazoom getting the better of her boulder-holder. I’m not sure that I really get her as the Barbra Streisand-sized superstar she is whipped up to be. Nice enough voice and all that, plus she brushes up well. The stick-on eyelashes make their point. But the ‘Adele is a genius’ campaign lost me a while back. We consider her to be the best British female singer since Dusty Springfield because the competition is currently so thin on the ground. I mean, Florence: with or without her Machine, she still comes across as Princess Anne on acid.

Duncan Jones had a good night, so at least that. Miffed by the recent Grammy Awards’ tribute to his dad, David Bowie – what was Lady Gaga on? – he thoroughly approved of the BRITS’ tribute, declaring it ‘beautiful’. Bowie’s chum Gary Oldman sauntered on to accept the BRIT Icon award from Annie Lennox on behalf of David’s family, and seemed to be choking back the sobs as he told a cheeky story or two.

Bowie himself named the croaky nineteen year-old New Zealander Lorde as ‘the future of British music’. So it was fitting that it was she who was chosen to deliver the homage, on the heels of a medley of Bowie classics. Her rendition of ‘Life on Mars’ was interesting.

And that’s about it, folks. Nothing much to report from the after-show: everyone was a bit tired and emotional by then. The awards ceremony season seems a bit stretched-out this year. Roll on next Sunday and the Oscars, and then we’re done for another year.

To see some of the best moments in picture from the Brit Awards 2016 , hop over here.

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